Not to be EMO or anything, but every time it seems like I finally have my life in order it falls apart. It seems like the world is trying with all its might to keep me in this horrible state. A state when trying your hardest is never good enough.
I just got in the NURSING program in my college which is ultimately one of the hardest programs to get into. I’m proud of myself don’t get me wrong, but now that I’m in I feel like I need to shoot myself. I feel like since I’ve worked two hard years for this that I should be celebrating, but no I’m neurotic paranoid prissy who can’t keep herself together. They are giving me such a hard time running around getting papers here, appointment here, pay here, and jump off this building here. I’m tired of it, but I know that I just need struggle a little longer and it will be all worth it. I just don’t know how much of this I can take I’m stressed to the point where I might be hallucinating voices in my head. It’s hard now.
As if that’s not enough finally having sort of relationship with a guy I find decent is killing me. I can’t look at him in the eye and say yes I missed you to and you also rock my socks. I can’t stare into his eyes and say anything and I feel really bad about it especially if I know that I do all of those. It’s easier to dream it than to have it.
For the plus side some of the bands playing in Bamboozle 2009 have been announced. I can’t wait to see No doubt, New Found Glory and Bayside. I hope Saves The Day Plays or at least Two Tongues. I hope Men Women and Children play again and also maybe see Minus The Bear. I guess we will see what they have in store for us.